Bachelor Party Pains
by animeo
Summary: Niou and Yagyuu are finally getting married, other than the regular preporations to deal with they also have their Bachelor's parties to do as well. Platinum pair with other pairings mentioned/implied. Also mentioning of strippers and naked women. R&R!


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I'm back you guys with another One-shot! Yes I know my poll said that my next one would be TezukaxFuji but I'm still thinking on them. So for now you get Platinum Pair! WOOOOOO! Enjoy!

* * *

Only a few more days, Niou and Yagyuu would finally be together permanently. As Husband and well…husband. The only problem with this was the Bachelor parties; who was going to do what, and who exactly was lying to the other.

"You know that Niou is going to a strip club right?" Yukimura asked on his end of the phone line.

"He said he wouldn't, but I'm not surprised."

"Are you going to call him on it?"

"No. Why should I?" Yagyuu asked lying down on the bed that he and Niou shared. "Its just one night, plus Sanada-kun is going to be there so there isn't anything dangerous that Masaharu could do."

"True," Yukimura sighed, "You know what we should do."

"What?""I think we should higher a stripper too."

"What? No, I refuse to stoop that low Yukimura. I told Masaharu that I wasn't doing anything like that." Yagyuu chastised. That was just pure indecency on Yukimura's part for even suggesting something that risqué.

"Its not stooping, you'll be-" Yagyuu pulled the phone away from his ear and glared at it for a moment before returning it to his ear. "-it really isn't all that bad, Yagyuu." It wasn't if you where Yukimura Seiichi, but if you where Yagyuu Hiroshi, the man who was called 'the gentleman' during his junior high and senior high days, this was a very big deal a very big deal indeed. Yukimura was very persuasive, so eventually he would get his way especially when he also had Fuji Syuusuke on his side. So Yagyuu thought it best to just go along with it for now.

"Alright, just tell me where to be and what time we'll meet."

"GOOD!"

* * *

"So your going to have a nice sensible Bachelor party right?" Yagyuu asked buttoning up his pants.

"Of course Hiroshi, I wouldn't have anything else," _'WRONG! I may be gay but I can still find someway to look at a stripper!' _Niou thought looking over at Yagyuu, "And you will be having a nice quite evening with your friends' right?"

"Of course, what else would I be having? I'm not you Masaharu."

"If I can manage something nice and sensible then you're capable of something completely insane!"

Yagyuu merely stared back adjusting his glasses with his right index finger. "That maybe so, but its not going to happen that I can promise you."

"I'm holding you to that Hiroshi." Niou smirked as he finished buttoning up his shirt.

"That's your good shirt."

"What? No its not."

"Yes it is. You told me once that it was your 'action' shirt."

"My 'action shirt'? There is no way in hell I'd say that, I mean come on that's just lame sounding. Now maybe my sex shirt but not an action shirt."

"You're the one that said it, I'm merely repeating. Besides it's only going to be Sanada-kun, Shishido-kun, Marui-kun, Kirihara-kun, and yourself."

"Fine I'll change it." Niou sighed un-buttoning the shirt. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"You're wearing your new pants."

"No I'm not."

"Yea you are, because-"

"Fine, yes they are my new pants. What about it?"

"Why would you need new pants in order to go to a restaurant?"

"Because I would like to look nice, that's why?"

"It's only you, Yukimura, Fuji, Jackal, and Otori. Those are hardly the people you need to dress up for."

"Fine I'll change as well." Yagyuu frowned walking back into the closet pulling off a rather ugly blue shirt and shoved it at Niou, "There you go."

"Right," Niou looked the shirt over. He seriously couldn't remember where the shirt had come from, probably Sanada or someone else with horrible taste in colors. If this is how Yagyuu wanted to play then Niou could play this same game. Walking into the closet he returned with a pair of old worn slacks that looked as though they hadn't been worn in quite awhile. "Here you go Hiroshi." Niou smiled handing the pants over.

Yagyuu looked at the abomination on a hanger before finally taking it from Niou's hands, "Thank you Masaharu."

"Not a problem."

* * *

"What's wrong Niou? Yes the female anatomy is a little strange but you could at least try and enjoy it." Marui sighed passing another twenty to the woman in front of them.

"Not to mention the fact that the seventies called and they want their shirt back." Shishido smirked pulling at the blue collar of the aforementioned shirt.

"Its not my fault Hiroshi made me change."

"Really? Too bad." Kirihara sighed poking Sanada, "Oi Sanada-san you could at least take your hat off."

"Not gonna happen Akaya." Sanada grumbled. "Female bodies are disturbing, why would I want to pay to look at that?"

"Why are you dating Yukimura then?" Niou asked leaning in closer to Sanada.

"Shut up Niou."

"Hey this is my party and I'll annoy you if I want too!" Niou laid his head down on the table, taking in a deep breath of the smoke filled air. "I just can't help but wonder what Hiroshi is doing."

"Are you serious? Since when have you ever worried? You two aren't even married yet and you're already pulling that annoying newlywed shit?" Niou would never admit it but he often worried about the other man, Yagyuu was about to become his husband for Christ's sake of course he worried.

"I never said I was worried I just said I was curious that's all."

"I'd be worried if I where you Niou." Sanada had finally lifted his head and faced the rest of the group. "Yagyuu is with Fuji and Seiichi."

"Also Yukimura-san mentioned something about the 'seventh wonder of the world' and how he was supposed to be HUGE!" Kirihara stretched his arms out showing the supposed size of the man. If this was true then every man there excluding Akaya had some rather 'large' competition to deal with in their partner's minds after all of this.

"You're lying." Niou grimaced turning back to the naked women, "Besides Hiroshi said they where going to a restaurant, not a strip joint, and He's never been a good liar."

"Just like how you aren't a good truth teller?" Marui grinned.

"Exactly."

"If Seiichi said it then more than likely its true," Sanada sighed, "I'm not sure what Tezuka allows Fuji to get away with but I know for a fact that Seiichi has had more than his fair share of strippers over the years." Everyone was now staring at the capped man, they had no idea such things went on in the Sanada household. "That was all before we started dating." Sanada clarified before any questions where voiced.

"Dammit, I'm sorry guys I can't do this." Niou groaned getting up out of his chair. Sanada quickly followed glad to see that someone had a sane enough mind to leave, even if it was Niou Masaharu. Then Akaya. When Marui got up to leave Shishido grabbed his arm, "Don't tell me you are too, I'm not going to be left alone during this."

"Then come on! Aren't you at least worried about Otori?"

"Chotarou can take care of himself, besides I'm positive he's sitting there going 'Shishido-san…YOU AREN'T SHISHIDO-SAN GO AWAY!' so it's fine."

"Yes well I'm sure that Jackal is doing the same, but still it's only right that I go."

Shishido looked down at the ground then back up at the stripper and finally Marui, "Fine let's blow this thing. Women are gross anyways, why did we come here again?"

"I don't know, I think it was…"

"Bakaya." They said in unison walking out the door.

* * *

"This isn't so bad. Beats eating at a restaurant?" Fuji asked glancing down the table to Yukimura.

"Tezuka doesn't allow you to do these types of things does he?" Yukimura stretched his arms. Fuji's eyes slide open as his smile widened.

"No Kunimitsu is rather strict, unlike Niou. Don't you think so Yagyuu?" Yagyuu's head was down on the table. "Yagyuu?" Fuji placed his hand on the man's shoulder, "You ok?"

"This is stupid." The murmured words where muffled even further by the table and Yagyuu's arms, making them almost inaudible.

"That isn't anyway to act during your bachelor party, especially since you're with friends."

Yagyuu lifted his head and stared at the male stripper. Yes he was good looking, and yea he was probably packing something rather big underneath that Speedo. "Look, could you just whip it out so I can go home?" He asked.

"My my looks like someone is rather eager tonight." Yukimura smiled. "Don't you think so Jackal?"

"I don't want to be here…"

"Shishido-san…I need Shishido-san!" Everyone was actually quite surprised that Otori had lasted as long as he had before almost going into the fetal position.

"I think this is too much for Otori." Fuji said nonchalantly.

"I'm leaving, Masaharu is about to start some form of trouble I just know it."

"I think your just paranoid Yagyuu come on and stay."

"No, come on Otori, Jackal. Let's go." Yagyuu demanded, getting up from his chair. The two did as they where told, they weren't particularly complaining, to be honest Yagyuu was almost ran over by the overjoyed Otori.

"You're such a spoiled sport Yagyuu, but alright if you want to leave we can. Come on Yukimura." Fuji sighed following suit.

"I'll be there in just a minute." The soft voice came. Yukimura kept his eyes on the half naked man who had still yet to remove the infernal obstruction called a Speedo. After everyone else had left the man did, Yukimura's eyes widened with a small gasp. "That looks rather painful." He grimaced getting up to go, "Such a waste."

All five men climbed into the car, and sped off in the direction of the strip club that the other men should currently be, they should have been there at least.

* * *

"Come on Sanada drive faster!" Niou urged leaning in between the front passenger and driver's seat.

"I'm going as fast as I can, now sit back Niou. It's not a matter of life or death."

"It could be!" Kirihara yelled.

"Actually it couldn't be, because then I would have already offered your life up to whomever it was that was threatening to kill my Hiroshi." Niou stated hitting Kirihara over the head with his hand.

* * *

"This is the place they where going to be?" Yagyuu asked looking up at the building. Shabby was the only word that Yagyuu could really think of with out having a massive brain melt trying to think of a better word.

"That's what Shishido-san said."

"It's just like Masaharu to go in to a disgusting place like this." Yagyuu cringed at the thought of actually having to walk in to this infestation of a building; it was probably ladled with HIV, AIDS, and other STD's of doomy death. To say the least he was very reluctant to go in. But Yukimura being the great persuader that he is got him inside the building, and no not through the front door more of a side door to be exact.

"You guys are late," A scarcely dressed blonde said as they entered the door.

"Excuse me, what are you talking about?" Yukimura smiled.

"You are late, meaning that the show started over an hour ago. Don't you think you're just a tad over dressed?" She gestured towards their clothes. The men looked down at themselves then up at the girl and realized what she meant by 'over dressed'. She left the room as quickly as she had come.

"So she wants us to…"

"OH NO! I am not getting out there and stripping that's just not going to happen!" Yagyuu protested as he started towards the door.

"OH yes you are, it will be fun!"

"No it won't!" Yagyuu stated again, there wasn't any way in hell he was going to do that in front of all those other men.

"Alright here is the room," Marui said pointing at the 'private party' sign on the large wooden door. There wasn't any name of any kind indicating that this was the correct room, but seeing as how they were men they assumed that it was right.

"So do we just go-"

"Fuck it this guy doesn't have anything I've never seen before! LET'S DO THIS!" Niou said un-buttoning his shirt, Marui and Shishido soon followed behind him with only Sanada and Kirihara still standing fully clothed.

"I'm not doing this." They said in unison. "We'll look like total idiots."

"Your points are what? They don't mean a hill of beans right now!" Niou waved his arms around in the air,

"Besides Yukimura is over there, don't you two care about him at all?"

"He can take care of himself," Sanada answered. "I trust him."

"He's corrupting Hiroshi; I won't stand for that…mainly because that is my job!"

"Fine, I guess I owe Yagyuu-san this much," Kirihara muttered undoing his own shirt and pants.

"Conformist…" Sanada sighed, "I'm going to burn in hell for this."

"Don't worry you won't be alone, you'll be with friends," Niou smiled gesturing around the group. "But first please tell me that those are NOT little tennis racquets on your boxers." The badly suppressed laughter not only came from Niou but from everyone as they all pointed at Sanada's boxers.

"And that isn't the hamburgler on yours." Sanada pointed at Niou's boxers.

"HEY the Hamburgler is COOL! Don't diss the hamburgler or else I'll kill you, or steal your hamburgers what ever comes first on my list."

"Weren't we on a mission here?" Shishido asked pointing at the door.

"Come On! Let's Go!" Niou smirked pushing the door open. (Full pun intended there!)

"Oh shit…wrong room" Marui cringed looking at the people that currently occupied the room. Three large, hefty women in biker clad stood in about as small of a circle as they could muster.

"Oh no honey this is the right room, COME HERE!" The largest smiled taking the tiny bridal veil off her head.

"Dammit!" Niou yelled as the other two women grabbed him by the arms. "THIS IS WHY I'M GAY, HIROSHI SAVE ME!"

"THEY GOT NIOU!" Marui cried outside in the hallway.

"GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF MAN!" Shishido yelled grabbing Marui by the shoulders. "He wouldn't want this to-"

_"I'm going to kill every last one of you bastards!"_ Niou's muffled cry came before Shishido could finish his sentence.

"Well at least we made it out al-" Sanada began.

"Where do you four think your going?" The door slide open as a large hand came out and grabbed Sanada by the waist.

"OH GOD WHY?" Where the brave last words of Sanada as he too was pulled in then Shishido suffered the same fate.

"YOU AREN'T CHOTAROU DON'T TOUCH ME! I need my Chotarou these women are touching me where they shouldn't be!"

"I need an Adult! I need an Adult!" Marui screamed running around in a small circle whilst flailing his arms about in a crazed manner. Eventually the women got him as well.

"Here you go honey, I'll be your adult." The woman smiled.

"NOT YOU!"

* * *

"So how was your night?" Yagyuu asked Niou when he finally arrived home.

"Never again, it was shitty and I was maraped (1) by three large women. Though Sanada, Shishido, Marui, and Akaya suffered the same fate. I think Akaya might have turned gay during some point as well because of this." Niou sighed lying on his back. "What about you?"

"Really bad. That's all I have to say." Yagyuu walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. "So bad that I'm going to take a shower and scrub my skin until I feel clean again."

"Things could have been worse." Niou called.

"How so?"

"They just could have been." Rolling over onto his stomach he remembered what it was he was going to tell Yagyuu, "Hey guess what kind of boxers Sanada had on."

"Why would I want to know that? Why where you looking at them anyways?" Yagyuu poked his head out of the door way.

"Because it's funny as hell and they where just too weird to pass up looking at them. They had little Tennis racquets on them. Probably because of Yukimura. Then he had the nerve to actually make fun of the hamburgler!"

"Oh my, how dare he." Yagyuu sighed turning on the faucet so that the water could heat up. Niou made a mental note of the sarcasm that oozed its way from that last comment. Though he decided to play along with it anyways.

"I know, it was horrid. The Hamburgler is way cooler than any stupid Tennis racquet!"

"If you say so Masaharu."

"I do say so. There really isn't any kind of competition." Niou sighed rolling over onto his stomach, since it was Yagyuu's side of the bed he was lying on it smelled just like the other man. Tonight really had been a giant waste, Yagyuu wasn't even there and he had ruined Niou's Bachelor party and vise versa. Even though Yagyuu wouldn't tell him what exactly happened at the strip club he could only guess it was pretty bad, but probably not as bad having three jumbo women come and attack you and you're four other friends. Niou was going to have to scrub his very skin off to get rid of the cheap perfume smell. He laid there for a few minutes more before rolling around on the bed several times trying to rid himself of the images.

"I'm sorry about tonight." Yagyuu had since come from the bathroom and laid down next to Niou, his hair still damp from the shower.

"What are you apologizing for? You didn't do anything, it was Yukimura and Fuji who made you go." Niou rolled over to his side to face the man.

"True, but I still went after I told you I wouldn't."

"Yea well I'm sorry too for lying."

"As usual you're a horrible truth teller, I knew you where going. Yukimura told me on the phone." Yagyuu answered ruffling Niou's hair slightly. Niou was his seventh wonder of the world, not a stripper they where gross anyways. This entire night wasn't just a waste; it was a big mistake in Yagyuu's opinion. First the stripper, who according to Yukimura was just freakishly huge and had no business doing anything with it. There was such a thing as just too big and that guy definitely was.

"Damn Sanada and his honesty."

"Despite this the night might not be a total ruin."

"Might not? What do you have in mind?"

"Let's just say that because of Yukimura and Fuji I might actually have learned something tonight." Yagyuu smiled removing his glasses.

* * *

**So yea the moral to this story is this...don't lie to your future spouse, because you'll be maraped by three large women in biker clad outfits.  
****(1) maraped isn't a word, its a term my friends and I came upwith one day. It means that you where molestated so badly that it was border line rape, but not quite.**

**I know I've been neglecting my other story, just I can't think of anything right now, and my help has yet to get back to me on the matter. Thats ok though, I'll just keep writing one-shots until I can think of something.**

**Until next time,**

**animeo**

* * *


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